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[daemonized]

ARDYN IZUNIA

Ardyn Izunia. Professor of law. Lord of law. Liege of law. The one grading your papers. Leave a message.

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[kittycaterer]

[ 30 seconds later your phone is ringing ]

[daemonized]

[Okay, well.

Ardyn will answer. This can only get better.]

Yes?

[kittycaterer]

[ There's a lot of crackling and shuffling around. And a belch. Followed by a very meek "whoops".

He's by himself. He should be in bed, but he's not. ]

[daemonized]

Noctis?

[HELLO NOCTIS.....?

He rubs at the back of his neck, and there is no doubt that this young man is very, very drunk.

So you know what, he's going to listen to those scuffling and belching noises until someone realizes that they've butt dialed him.]

[kittycaterer]

Mm?

[ He hears his name, and he notices that his phone screen is still on and bright. Noctis grabs his phone, sounding very much confused and slurred. ]

What?

Who'ssis?

[daemonized]

[He is so, so drunk. Yes, definitely.

It's so hard not to laugh.]

Noctis.

[God.]

You're the one who called me? It's Ardyn. Ardyn Izunia? Your professor.

[kittycaterer]

[ Noctis hums thoughtfully, as if trying to remember whether or not he did, in fact, call Ardyn first.

He decides: ]

Pff. No I dinnt, s'like two in the morning or somethin'.

[ He makes a conscious effort to read the clock. He fails. ]

Is it?

Why'd you call me?

[daemonized]

[He wishes he could be recording this right now. God. Why can't someone else be here to experience this. Why?]

I didn't... you...

[Ardyn is trying hard not to laugh. This is a feat unto itself, thanks Noctis.]

You must've butt-dialed me.

1/3

[kittycaterer]

[ Noctis knits his brow as he listens, wobbling on the couch when he sits up.

There's a good moment of silence that seems to follow immediately until... ]

2/3

[kittycaterer]

[ AUDIBLE SNORT. ]

[kittycaterer]

[ Did he just say "butt"?

Did Ardyn just say the word "butt"????

Yes he fucking did.

He so fucking did, and Noctis doesn't even say anything. He starts laughing like a damn child. ]

[originallutece]

[Oh, dang, guess who just woke up.]

Noctis?

[OH DANG MOM'S UP AND SHE'S MAD]

It's two in the bloody morning, who the hell are you talking to?

[kittycaterer]

[ OH SHIT.

Noctis is drunk enough to look ridiculously spooked when Rosalind appears from her room. He perks up, looking like he's been caught committing a crime.

But that fades pretty quick. Noctis starts snickering again as he points to the phone. ]

It's Ardyn.

He... He called me, I swear.

[originallutece]

Did he.

[A FUCKING LIAR, CAELUM.]

Give me the phone.

[kittycaterer]

[ Wow wtf????!!!!

Noctis snorts again and hands over the phone. Ever-compliant. It's your house, mom. ]

Fair warning, he's talkin' about butts.

[originallutece]

I'm certain he is.

[Hello Ardyn my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.]

Is this Ardyn?

[daemonized]

[There is just so much going on. Between the hysterical laughter of Noctis and more voices in the background, Ardyn is honestly wondering what on earth he's gotten into, what with this butt-dial.

But he's met with Rosalind's voice, and his humor seems to spike further, and there's something edging on laughter in his tone.]

Rosalind! It certainly is none other than I. Your'e up rather late.

[originallutece]

Not willingly, I assure you. Noctis, sit down--

[That's the Professor voice right there.]

I assume he called you?

[daemonized]

He texted first. Some gibberish that was barely decipherable.

And then he called me. Accidentally. I assume he's drunk.

[originallutece]

Very much so, yes. He went to his first party, and give him this, he at least didn't hold back.

But he didn't throw up in my car, so I suppose there's that.

[daemonized]

Of course. One must never hold back during their first party experience. If he's not terribly hungover the next morning, which I think he might be, he isn't doing it correctly.

So, you were the designated driver?

[originallutece]

Not officially. But when he responded to my asking if he was drunk with a text that simply said no, this is Noctis, I hardly had much of a choice.

[JUST TALKIN ABOUT HIM IN FRONT OF HIM, IT'S FINE]

I thought he'd sleep it off. Apparently not.

[daemonized]

[He's probably too drunk to notice, it's okay.]

It hardly bothers me, either way. I was already awake and this proved to be an extra dose of entertainment for the night.

[kittycaterer]

[ rUDE.

Noctis was only trying to get up to get his phone back because he was talking, Mom! Either way, he sighs and plops back down on the couch. ]

Don' forget he said butt.

Callin' you out, Prof.

[originallutece]

[SHE'S NOT EVEN . . . GONNA MENTION THAT . . . NO ONE NEEDS TO EVER TALK ABOUT BUTTS . . . ]

I wasn't awake. I was sleeping quite well, because it's the night before classes begin, and who the hell throws a party on a Monday night, anyway?