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[daemonized]

ARDYN IZUNIA

Ardyn Izunia. Professor of law. Lord of law. Liege of law. The one grading your papers. Leave a message.

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[erythristic]

Then I'll need to find many more words than simply ugly. For it is the letter of the word, and not the spirit, that I'm bound to if I'm determined to keep you away from wings and too elaborate pants.

[daemonized]

You think the pants were too elaborate? I own a similar pair already, you know.

[Tragic fashion choices. They're black, though, and not olive.]

[erythristic]

Of course you do. And the next time I see you you'll no doubt be wearing them.

[black, at least, is bearable. black hides many a fashion sin.]

[daemonized]

You know me too well. Because yes, I will.

Just for you, Grell.

[erythristic]

Then I'm going to say nothing. Deprive you of the amusement you seek to garner from my reaction. You will go along, as unremarked upon as if you weren't wearing anything other than your usual clothing.

[even as she says it, she knows it's a lie. she'd say something, she really would.]

[daemonized]

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't believe for a second that your willpower is quite that strong.

You'll say something. You see the pinstripe pants and have to say something.

[erythristic]

Well certainly I will if you go parading around in them deliberately trying to get me to make some comment. I'll have to remark on how well they fit or don't fit you, or that you're trying stripes today. Pants like that are begging to be commented on.

[and it means she'll have lost. from the start. but the benefit is that both of their moods seem to have lifted some.]

But a wing? Seriously? Not even a matched set, a singular wing? What purpose does such a thing serve?

[daemonized]

[He looks satisfied, because it's true. She would lose, quite thoroughly.]

I don't know if there was truly any practical use to it. To be honest, it felt a bit unwieldy.

Perhaps it's symbolic? Some sort of status symbol? If you were to wear a wing, for what reason would it be?

[erythristic]

I'd want to wear two wings and be balanced, but if I had to wear one...I'd wear it to prove a point, or to indicate some type of position. Something worth the weight and attention of me wearing a wing. A celebration...or a warning in the shape of an accessory.

Of course, I could always have been asked to wear it.

[daemonized]

[A celebration or a warning. Ardyn wonders which it might've been, truly. But at the same time, there's something that he's almost certain of, though he can't quite say exactly why.]

I don't think anyone... asked me to wear it.

[no one but yourself would want you to wear any of that, ardyn]

Everything, I believe, was worn of my own choice. Unfortunately, that means you cannot shift the blame of my "terrible fashion choices" onto someone else.

[erythristic]

It also means that you know something you and your past self share - the tendency to dress for none but yourself. Only it takes form of a black wing in that life and being stubborn about layers in this one.

[or both.]

Tenaciously careless about society's perceptions, in that regard.

[daemonized]

[He actually gives a shrug.]

Why waste time worrying about what others think of you? There's already too much in life to concern yourself with, than to lose sleep over the opinion of sheep... as the saying may go.

[Ardyn does care what others may think, of course -- to say that he 100 percent does not would be a lie. He just tends to care exponentially less than most, and when he does, it's only about very specific, hard-to-pin things.]

[erythristic]

Sheep they may be, but I want the sheep to be impressed with me rather than scornful. Is that such a waste of time? It makes me pleased when they are.

[if they must cast judgement, let them look and be respectful. she cares more than she wants people to know - cloaking it in saying it was all for her own comfort is an excuse half of the time.]

[daemonized]

But a wolf cares not. [-for the opinion of sheep, he means, if he's going to finish his reference in the most backwards way possible.]

As someone very obscure and not at all famous once wrote, "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

[erythristic]

Sound advice, but one must question the source, when the speaker is a hypocritical old man enraptured with the sound of his own voice.

[Polonius said a lot of wonderful things out of context.]

You should have gone with "The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages."

[daemonized]

Advice is advice. Just because the speaker is an old, useless man only makes it more poignant in its irony, hm?

[It was remiss of him to not think she wouldn't have pointed that out.]

That quote is the opposite of what I'm trying to say, however. A reality that I would rather avoid if at all possible.

Do you consider the eyes of others your own prison, Grell? [Only Ardyn could ask such a heavy question with a casual air.]

[erythristic]

Hmmm...I wonder. I meant the quote to be something to illustrate that others' perceptions are limiting, not necessarily that they can't be broken away from. Both prisons and cages can be unlocked.

[this doesn't answer the question.]

[daemonized]

[No, not... exactly an answer at all. He lifts a brow, only slightly, but isn't so quick to call her out on it.]

And what freedom it is once they have been unlocked.

That isn't to say that we will always be free from what others might think of us; only that it's hardly worth feeling restricted because of other people's opinions. A life in shackles is hardly one worth living.

[erythristic]

And yet we live our lives so accustomed to the weight that to be freed never occurs. Simply a part of reality. If you take it away, who's to say someone won't be so light they'll be at risk of being blown away by the wind?

[hardly worth it. perhaps for some. who's to say what's worth it when you don't know the alternative?]

[daemonized]

That depends; do you prefer to be chained down in security, or faced with the dizzying excitement of being free, in all the uncertainty it brings?

[Elegantly (maybe) looping his way back into his original question.]

[erythristic]

When you phrase it like that, there's only one real answer. Freedom.

[when it's the only option, because security is...boring. something given up a very long time ago in exchange for happiness.]

[daemonized]

[He smiles.] So then, to achieve this freedom, you must care little for other people's expectations. Self-consciousness must be a thing of the past.

A lofty goal. Impossible for some. So, again, do you consider the eyes of others your own prison?

[erythristic]

[a short sigh. here they are again, and she has no quick escape prepared.]

You say it's lofty, but you also speak of not caring like it's easy. That's hardly fair.

[if Ardyn will give her two more seconds, he'll get an answer.]

...They're not so much a prison as...I've never not been self-conscious.

[if she says it casually and shrugs her shoulders can this be a lighthearted admission and not serious]

[daemonized]

[Maybe Ardyn was simply born with the predisposition not to care. Or maybe it was molded into something he's become very adamant about, growing up in an environment where he was always meant to meet someone else's expectations. Maybe both. Either way, he knows it's not fair to expect someone else to feel the same way. To shrug off what other people might think, as if it were negligible, laughable, not worth their time.

But he's not pressing upon her an expectation. Ardyn only tries to understand -- and after understanding, maybe attempt to nudge her in a different direction, if Grell will allow it. Because he cares an inordinate amount. An embarrassing amount, really.]

I know it's not fair.

[That's worth the clarification, at least.]

But what does someone like yourself have to be self-conscious about?

[A sincere question. True, Ardyn may be a little biased, but in his eyes, Grell has no reason to shrink under the critical gaze of anyone else. She's intelligent, reassuring, funny, and beautiful. Her friends respect her, and enjoy her company. So, what on earth could she possibly be so self-conscious about?]

[erythristic]

[before Grell answers, she moves over on the couch, repositioning so that she can lean and put her head on his shoulder. something about the contact makes the conversation easier.]

I could list off a dozen things to you that I believe I have every right to be self conscious about, but for the sake of everything it can all be summarized in that I'd like to be enough for people.

[brave enough, smart enough, pretty enough, all of it matching some invisible criteria so that she's gone and earned that respect from people. all so that one can be unquestionably worthy of their time and attention. she's said as much before.]

I want to be good enough for them. And there's...quite a bit that goes into that.