daemonized | RECOLLE IC CONTACT.

Both yes and no.

I remember most of the events with some measure of clarity. Many of them were innocent enough, simple conversations with others. Some a bit more complicated than that, but what bothers me are the emotions I felt at the time. They were very unlike me. Anger and spite. A willingness to [hurt others, to take pleasure in someone else's suffering] be less than kind.

Have you experienced something like that?

[Ah, yes... The Emotions™. He's heard stories from some people with starkly different ones from what they currently experience, and stories from others who don't notice much of anything unusual at all. He can sympathize with this to a degree though, even if he doesn't think his own experience is as jarring as what Ardyn is describing.]

that sounds like it'd be pretty scary tbh
but i think i kind of get what you mean
a little bit anyway
because i definitely remember just not really caring in the way a normal human being should about cutting things down

[Monsters, yeah. But also people, even if that's just a hazy recollection at this point.]

[The Emotions are quite disturbing. Especially if they are Villain Emotions™, which can indeed be a little frightening for someone who is not at all inclined to feel that way.]

It isn't pleasant, I can assure you of that.

Are you afraid of this becoming the new you? This inclination to not care as much as you should?

Edited (notices typos hours later nbd) 2017-09-18 19:22 (UTC)

[I Can't Believe My Teammate Was The Villain All Along! and other short stories, coming to a library in Recolle soon.

There's a little pause after that, either way. And then, with honesty:]

a little
especially because we're being shoved into situations that bring that kind of stuff out

[The battles and such, that is. He's not particularly glad to fight, and he's also not pleased about how familiar it all feels.]

are you afraid of it?

I am.

It isn't the person I want to be.

[And that is basically the heart of the matter. There's the fact that a few of the faces here is with whom he felt that hate and spite towards, in his memories, but he'll not share that much quite yet.]

i don't think it's possible to ever 100% become the people we're remembering tbh
since we have our own lives and memories and stuff
but i don't think it'll be as easy to separate ourselves from who we used to be as some people think either

[Or, in short, "I see your fear and that's heckin valid". Who knows how much or how little they'll take after their old selves? The more memories he regains, the more he finds his behavior and mentality slipping without him having anything at all to do with it.]

[At least there's comfort to be taken in commiseration, though he'd never wish such a thing on a fellow Absinthe teammate.]

That's true. But the question is which one will end up being more prominent than the other? Or will we end up being some strange amalgamation of the two?

I ask this, full knowing that you don't have the answers. Forgive me.

it's fine
i mean
we can't really run from this stuff forever right?
even if it's something we don't have answers to, at least thinking about it or trying to find answers anyway is doing something

i guess ヘ(´－｀;)ヘ
tbh i have no idea what i'm doing

[Ah, the most honest thing that could possibly be said. At least they're all in the same boat!]

And neither do I! At least there's something ironically freeing about being to admit this much.

[He means that, at least. He might not know what the hell to expect, but at least he's in a community of people who feel the same.]

But I've derailed the subject at hand, haven't I? You were going to tell me about how bad it was to soak a sword in bathwater, weren't you?

i guess you have a point there...
anyway don't do it or i'll come after you
just thinking about it makes my skin crawl

[HE HATES THIS... But here he is, standing up for inanimate objects everywhere because they might find bathtime uncomfortable.]

want me to drop the choji oil and stuff off at your class or something?
i don't think the non-spec users will notice or care

I wasn't actually doing it, you know. It started off as a joke, because Dante had such an adverse reaction when I mentioned it to him.

You can. But you'll have to tell me how, exactly, to use any of it, if it isn't too much trouble.

yeah he said you probably weren't serious
but you never know （・―・）
anyway yeah that's fine!
i'm still an amateur though
i didn't exactly have to worry about the right way to clean swords until like last month

Then we'll be amateurs together. No need to worry there.

I'll be in your debt, either way.

look it's practically my tragic duty now to make sure people are being nice to their swords
so consider it idk
good samaritanism??
spellcheck says that isn't a word but it is now

Well, Good Samaritan. You know where the law building is located, don't you?

that's the big one kind of near the back right?
on the way to the dining hall?

That's right. You can find my office within; simply text me whenever it's convenient for you, and I can meet you there.

got it!
i have to be on campus pretty early tomorrow for some equipment maintenance stuff in the f&d building anyway
so i'll just text you before then
i mean unless you teach classes at the crack of dawn or something ig

My earliest class starts at 8, but I'll be on campus around 7. I don't want you lugging sword cleaning supplies around all day, so if that window works better for you, feel free to stop by in the morning.

i already have to lug my sword everywhere so another bag won't make too much of a difference at least ┐(´∀｀)┌
but ok!
i'll stop by at 7:30

Then I'll see you then.

RECOLLE IC CONTACT.

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