daemonized | RECOLLE IC CONTACT.

[they text, sure, but sometimes a phone call is better. immediately, hearing it ring, Grell's certain she should have asked for this in person, but in person ran the risk of completely deciding to leave things alone for another day. so having already contacted her moral support, she can't bring herself to put it off longer.

what did help was making sure nothing was going to interrupt her as she took this call, sitting on the rooftop. it felt right, and she's not going to stop a dramatic impulse.]

[Ardyn is literally herding cats for whatever unfathomable reason (brushing them) when his phone rings, and seeing the name on the screen, he's quick to answer. Grell will hear the jingle of a little bell on a feline's collar when he picks up.]

Hello, my dear.

[Accompanied by a soft meow from a cat, but never mind that.]

To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice this evening?

[hearing the little meow makes her smile, though he can't see it.]

Missing hearing yours. And making sure you're alright - it's always difficult, when I'm busy.

[it's true, she had been busy - but also, she had kept herself just slightly more distant since she had her talk with Chuuya. mainly so that she wouldn't say anything until she was ready.]

Well, through no fault of your own.

[He certainly can't blame her for being busy with work, though if Ardyn has noticed her withdrawing ever-so-slightly in the past few days or so, it's difficult to not immediately jump to a sense of concern. And yet in the times he's spoken with her since, he has not felt a lingering of something being wrong, thus he chalked it up to overthinking.]

But other than perpetually missing you, I'm doing as well as ever. It's a quiet night tonight, which is a remarkably rare thing.

[He keeps the phone steady at the crook of his neck, balancing it with a lifted shoulder, and tries to brush Erebus who won't stand still.]

If you've free time to spare, you should come over.

Such an offer. I'm very tempted, just so I can confirm the report of your wellness with my own eyes.

[lighthearted and easy, but she can't let herself get carried too far off, or she'll never say it.]

I had a second reason for calling you, actually. I was thinking about the conversation we had...earlier this month. When I was somewhat indisposed.

[who uses that word in 2017? Grell does.]

Oh?

[His tone doesn't change, not really, still possessing its usual casual delivery. But there's the smallest of pauses, because as he recalls, when Grell had been indisposed (Ardyn also uses this word in 2017) their conversation had been nothing short of serious. On all topics they touched upon.

Erebus rubs up against Ardyn's leg, breaking the moment of consideration. He continues.]

Is it bothering you, what we talked about?

[Did it settle wrong in her, days upon days later, now that she's had time to turn it over in her mind?]

Edited 2017-09-22 04:33 (UTC)

No, it's not bothering me at all. I just...

[she pauses, pulling herself back in. stops herself from clarifying that it wasn't the memories she was thinking of, because it would become clear the more she talked. if she had the courage to open up her heart again, because it was true, the world could go to hell again very soon. they didn't know, but they have now.

thinking and analyzing and coming up with her own conclusions that were always the one answer, even as she fought with herself over it.]

I wanted to say that I feel the same.

Edited (when you hit enter too early) 2017-09-22 04:48 (UTC)

[Warmth blossoms in his chest upon hearing her say those words. Ardyn's apprehension about something bothering her dissipates into nothing, replaced instead by a fondness that is so prominent that it aches.

He wishes that she were here next to him, so that he could see her face. But hearing her voice is its own sort of pleasure, and he grins; the motions of his prior task become automatic, not really focusing as much on his cats now.]

So what does that mean, then? [He knows exactly what it means, but oh how he'll bathe in the near-giddiness of hearing it again.] That you'll remain by my side for all the days to come?

[she's glad he can't see her face, how her chest feels light and how she must look like a fool right now in this state, but the distance means she has to summon up her courage still. he says that and it would be so terribly romantic to simply agree. to get swept up in that. but. there's still one thing holding her back so firmly.]

See, when you say those sorts of things, I have no choice but to get confused. Because...I wonder what you mean by it, what sort of response you want from me. Whether you're asking me to one day live with you or marry you or something else, I don't know, and it's that which keeps me from knowing my own meaning. Aside from the meaning of what I feel for you, no matter what I think about myself, is as strong as anything.

[To have his sentiment be reflected back towards him as a question, one more grounded than their usual display of hopeless romanticism, isn't something he completely expects. At first, he feels nothing more than a simple flash of confusion as a result, until he can properly consider all that she's just said to him. That these admissions confuse her and make her wonder at his true meaning is never his intent, and Ardyn is at first unsure what to say. That when he says things like forever, or some variation thereof, the simple answer is that he means it. He did tell her before that he wouldn't say so otherwise.

But something else kicks into gear, a result of wanting to parse out exactly what she's confused about. Something based more in reason and logic and the implications that she's made clear by outright stating -- living with him and... marriage.

(Erebus has wandered off at this point. Ardyn remains crouched with a cat hairbrush in his hand, and the other goes up to steady his phone.)

There's that automatic reaction of his where it feels like leaping to conclusions, but if he steps back to look at the situation at hand, really look at it, this knee-jerk reaction isn't valid. He had... admittedly thought about asking her to live with him at some point, though he had been content to keep that in his back pocket for a month or two more. Getting married, though, is not something his mind quite traversed far enough to reach -- but here, as she says it, the thought is easy to confront, and...

And, well, he finds it's rather hard to refute. That he doesn't think on the matter with any measure of disdain or real fear. That when he said forever, he did mean it in all its forms. What would happen after living together had reached its plateau? He had no doubt that there was another step to be taken beyond that, if she accepted, a journey that he was more than willing to take with her. Ardyn had simply never thrown around the word marriage properly in his own mind; but he doesn't feel himself shrinking away from the thought.

But he doesn't know how to articulate any of this, a rare thing for him. He's not sure what it is she wants to hear from him, if being that truthful will be too jarring or too shocking or too frightening. He wasn't quite prepared to have this conversation. He just wanted to brush his cats.]

I...

[But she deserves to know his true meaning. That beyond the lofty notions of romance, he does mean what he says in a way that would apply, practically, to real life.]

I mean it, when I say things like that. I do want to be with you forever, because I love you too much to even consider letting you go. That does... generally... lend itself to the idea of you eventually moving in.

[And. And. He wonders if he can manage it.]

And... assuming you wanted to, someday, marriage. Would you want to?

[He gives her a chance to clarify her own meaning, when she said she feels the same way. He doesn't want to skew it into a weighty commitment that she perhaps wasn't ready for. God, how unromantic was this, right now?]

[she has to be reasonable sometimes. has to look at logic, because for all their imagination, there is a place for reason in love. there's a place for solidity to make steadfastness. everything thrown into heightened relief given the circumstances that just occurred. Grell watches how the winds high above move the clouds, takes in the feeling of having said exactly what she thinks - it's a strange dizziness, to have it off her chest after weeks of holding it back.]

I...don't mean soon, of course. Nothing immediate.

[she feels as though she should state that so as not to entirely overwhelm him. to be absolutely clear.]

But, someday, if you were willing to properly propose...

[and she can't, she can't force them to do this over the phone, and she's already turning to go down the staircase quickly.]

Oh, not like this. I'm coming over.

[she makes that decision quickly, doesn't even stop back into her apartment. though once she sits in her car she forces herself to stop a second and take a breath - and it's then when she notices her heart is going so fast, that talking about this has her alternately terrified and wanting to hold onto him. if something happened, if he went to sleep, then at least she would have said it.

it's her own issues that have her so afraid. it's her heart that tells her to say it while looking in his eyes. when she's at his house, she barely remembers the drive over, having spent it in a long mental argument where she wasn't even sure who won. but at least she came - because he deserves that much, she thinks.]

[He barely remembers his response when she says she's coming over. Time seems to pass by in a blur, and Ardyn's focus seems to remain squarely on the front door, occasionally glancing down at his phone, as he waits for her to arrive.

He finds himself filled with a very nervous sort of energy -- twisting between anxiousness and a strange excitement, almost dizzying. And when she arrives, Ardyn swings open the door, wanting to see her standing before him. Wanting to read her expression, wanting to know if she meant what she implied by those unfinished statements.

Words slip out without him putting much thought to them.]

I had already been thinking about it. Asking you to live with me. But I didn't want you to think I was rushing it, that it was too soon. But I also... wouldn't mind the immediacy where that's concerned, but only if you were comfortable with it.

[That's his greeting, that's his hello. He ends up having enough awareness to step back and let her in, so that they don't have this entire conversation with her on the porch.

The words keep coming, he just keeps talking-]

And marriage is always preceded with an engagement first, allowing plenty of time to let the idea settle and to plan, and if I asked you I might end up looking like a fool, because you didn't answer my question of if you would want to say yes at all. The willingness is there because this certainly doesn't count as a proper sort of proposal, this is a mess, and I think if you said no I'm not sure how I would salvage this conversation right now.

[He's fallen into run-on sentences.]

[it's fine, it's fine, because she doesn't think she could have handled a hello or a proper greeting. instead, she's hearing a response back, getting inside only on automatic motions because what matters more are his words. her expression is terribly easy to read - hopeful but nervous, caught between the hesitance of all this being so unusual and the determined decision to go forth and say her words.

she tries to say something and has to stop and start again, trying to put everything into sentences instead of just saying it all - she can't even judge Ardyn for the run ons since at least he managed to keep some sense of structure.]

I didn't want to say it over the phone because it didn't sound personal enough. Some things are too important for distance. And the one who'd worry about rushing living should be me since you just got your house back to yourself. Though I wouldn't mind at all, because it would mean I got to see you every day.

[if they're moving to have this conversation somewhere that isn't right by the front door, she's not even aware of it. Grell's too carried away in her feelings to care - they come through like a downpour.]

But as to your question, if I would want to agree, if I would want to say yes, when I said I felt the same I meant it. Do mean it. My answer is yes, and if I could say it a hundred times right now I would. Yes, I would want to marry you, because after all the time I've known you it's a certainty that I want to keep you in my life.

[It’s only with the most automatic sort of action does he manage to close the door behind her. His hand hovers on the doorknob for seconds longer as she speaks, and neither one of them are particularly cognizant enough to realize that instead of having this conversation on the porch, they’re going to have it in the hallway, apparently.

My answer is yes, and if I could say it a hundred times right now I would.

He feels as if he’s going to burst, that his heart is literally going to burst at the seams. This feels like a dream, something feverish and brilliant. He hardly knows what to say.]

Then in that case, knowing that it’s something you wouldn’t reject-

[Then. Then what?]

Would you like to get married?

[This might sound familiar, but this is not a 3 AM text wrought from a joking whim. This is not him being overtly dramatic for the sake of teasing her and watching her blush. This is a proposal — a far cry from what any proper sort of romantic would envision, to be sure, the words falling from his lips in the plainest manner possible. But it's a prelude to an arrangement, an understanding between them for the future; a month from now, several months from now, a year from now, it didn’t matter. Details that could always be sorted later, but in this moment, it’s impossible to not hear this for what it is.

An… engagement, if she’ll tell him yes, like she claims she would.]

[this is not what she pictured happening when she picked up her phone and called him, when she felt herself saying things, but here they are. standing in his hallway, hearts open and exposed, unable to speak but for honesty. Grell feels like she can barely breathe, like she's going to move and this is all going to fall away, some hallucination or her having fallen asleep on the roof, and her words feel far.

but he asked. he asked in a way that was so simple that it couldn't be anything but the truth, and she looks at him, wondering and having to reach out for his hand - something to hold onto.]

Yes.

[she said it and she'll say it again, even as it moves from the realm of possibility into reality. someone who was willing to keep taking chances on her, who matched her dramatics and understood her romance, who was there and had felt something for as long as she had, who looked at her - imperfect and human - and said she was enough. who wanted to keep her with them.

the thought is overwhelming. alarming and wonderful in all of it.]

Yes, Ardyn, I would.

[Her touch anchors him in the moment, his mind swirling with the overexposure of paying attention to every little feature of her expression, every inflection in every syllable. But there’s not much interpretation that needs to be done — she tells him simply, without fanfare, that yes. She would like to marry him, and there’s no way to misinterpret anything so straightforward. She’ll marry him, and though this is not at all how he thought his evening would go, he finds himself cracking a smile, breaking through the nervous apprehension that he wore just moments prior.]

I…

[It’s dizzying. Absolutely dizzying and exhilarating and like wading through a dream. But her hand holding onto his reminds him that she is quite solid before him, and this is their reality. To think that their years of friendship would’ve eventually blossomed into this — that Grell would want to marry him.

My god. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so happy, so unexpectedly.

Ardyn wants to say too many things, but nothing comes out. Instead, he settles on drawing closer, both of his arms around her, bringing her into a kiss. That should say enough, surely it does, in the way that it lingers and makes his heart rate quicken. When he finally does pull away, there’s almost something reminiscent of a laugh in his words.]

I don’t… even have a ring to give you, Grell.

[he kisses her, and she feels like her chest might combust, because is it fair for someone to suddenly be overwhelmed with joy? is it fair that though this certainly didn't go the way they might have wanted, that unexpected surprises just happen to both of them more often than not, that she's so glad it did?

god, she can hardly even think the words. she'll need time to process this fully, to not be so overcome her speech feels like it's failing. a promise of the sort she had never known when she would make.]

It's all right. Your word is enough.

[this wasn't exactly planned, after all.]

Edited 2017-09-22 19:54 (UTC)

[He shakes his head, despite his smile not leaving his face.]

It isn't all right. You deserve one -- you deserve something more than just... this.

[He steps back just enough to gesture around him. Here, in the entrance hallway to his house, with his cat in the background playing with a brush on the floor, was hardly the epitome of a romantic setting, suited for a proposal. Not at all what either of them envisioned, given their hopeless romantic hearts.]

I'll try it again sometime later. Sometime when I'm more prepared.

[But she's right in one thing -- she did have his word on the matter, and that was still more than enough to consider it official in its own right. He glances at her again, still feeling light in his chest. Still impossibly happy.]

But until then... I suppose it's still official. We're not really dating any longer.

[An engagement instead! One missing its initial flourish, but that would happen soon enough.]

[trying it again. the thought makes her laugh a little, she can't help it - but she's pleased all the same. it would be disheartening to lose out on a proper moment, even if they knew exactly what the words would be ahead of time. they could cater to their romantic ideals without the fretting. and internally, they'd have the most critical part answered privately, with the world narrowed to simply them.]

No. And not just supposing. It is.

[the gentlest of poking at his words, and she laughs again, unable to help herself. god, she's delighted, even though she could have never predicted today. his cats served as proper witnesses - and slowly, she makes her way into the house, more towards the cats and living room.]

I think I have to sit down before I fall down.

[Poking at his words? It sounds as if she's picked up one of his habits, but Ardyn is in too good of a mood to find it anything other than amusing. He trails after her into the living room, and Erebus chirps after the both of them as they pass.]

I still have difficulties believing any of this just happened.

[And this is true. It'll take a day or two for the reality of it to sink in, for him to think back on this moment and not still wonder how it could've been real.

He'll settle next to wherever she decides to sit, and seems to realize something belatedly.]

How long have you been wanting to talk to me about this? [Maybe not about marriage specifically, but about the overall implications of the word "forever".] Is it the reason I haven't heard from you as often lately?

[she sits down heavily, turning towards him once he does as well, and has the decency to look ever so slightly abashed by his perception.]

I truly have been busy. Some things had to get finished up and checked before we start the new quarter. But...it contributed, a little. Me weighing how much time I had and whether I'd be able to restrain myself from talking to you about it, and deciding to save it for a later date. I wanted to say something for a while, all told, but I only really figured out how I wanted to say it since Monday.

[she does move to hold his hand again, though. it comforts her, and keeps reminding her that all of this, everything that happened, wasn't her imagination tricking her. she wants to curl up against him and not let go, and let this extraordinary happiness simply exist, barely managing to be contained in her body.]

[He gladly takes her hand in his, and of course she's more than welcome to sit as close as she likes next to him. He's certainly sitting close enough to allow for it, and already he's thinking of drawing her into an embrace, though he does tend to her words first.]

You know you can tell me what's on your mind any time you want. Even if you don't know just how to phrase it just yet.

[But it's not so much a reprimand (not even close) than it is a stated fact. He wonders how things may have been if she didn't say anything -- how oblivious he would have continued onward through the days, unknowing. He's... immeasurably glad she did bring it up to him, as unprepared as he was, though part of that is him still trying to register what's just happened.]

And, I think eventually, we'll need to tell a few others of what's just happened.

[eventually, it would have burst over into some unrefined mess. it wasn't the sort of thing she could just sit on for days. today had been the last day she'd thought she might be able to keep some measure of control over it - and she can only smile at his reminder that she could tell him. always a battle between wanting to get things right and the desire to simply say.

telling others? now that he brings it up, yes, it'd be important - those closest to them might want to know about this.]

How long is eventually? Long enough for us to feel a little less dazed, I hope.

It would be cruel to stay silent on it for too long. I can think of a few who would probably wish to know right this moment.

[Namely Prompto. (He'd probably yell in excitement so much.) Probably also Dante and Rosalind. Even so, he's sure they'd understand, that they would need to be afforded a day or two at the least to allow all of this to settle in their own minds first.]

A few days, maybe. Perhaps a week. Whenever we're both ready to face their reactions.

[That being said, he makes the executive decision to draw her close, smiling and breathing into her hair.]

I'm going to say something cliche, but it's true -- you've made me the happiest man alive, this day.

Then your happiness matches my own.

[the days would also give them time to figure out who they would want to tell. there's a few people she can already think of, but all of that can wait until later. instead she just lets herself relax, smiling, knowing that everything around this moment might not have been perfect, but it didn't detract from being perfectly happy.]

I thought I'd have something fitting to say, some way of summarizing it, but...how I feel, right now, is indescribable. Except that right now, forever doesn't feel like something to fear.

9/30

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