daemonized | RECOLLE IC CONTACT.

[January has not proven to be an... easy month for Ardyn. It shows in the strain of his eyes and his smile, but he still puts up his usual brave, somewhat airy face for Yu. For the sake of family, they are often worth the extra effort. Even if his mind wanders at times; even if Yu's question breaks the silence, and he gazes over at his nephew.

He noticed Yu had kept to himself a bit for the past few days. Ardyn thought to give him time to bring it up himself before he pressed, as all good uncles should do. But for now, he responds without hesitation.]

By all means. Ask away.

[ Yu looks at his uncle quietly for a long moment, his expression giving away very little. He opens his mouth; shuts it; then opens it again after a few breaths longer. ]

Actually, I think I have two questions. ... uncle, when I told you about what was going on ... you seemed to understand where I was coming from.

[ A very gentle way of putting things.

Have you ever felt like the version of you in your memories might be ... wrong, somehow?

Yes.

The question he leaves implied, not wanting to pry too hard. ]

[Ardyn hears the implied question clearly. It hangs over his head by a delicate thread, and it causes him to pause, a moment of silence passing between them. A muscle works in his jaw, as he crosses the kitchen. He grabs himself a glass, having come in for a simple drink of water.]

Ah... yes. I did.

[His situation was a bit different than what Yu had explained to him, but Ardyn knew all too well what it was like to... not particularly like what was in one's memories. He is obviously uncomfortable, his usual airy manner caught up in tension, but Yu is family, he tells himself. Yu deserves to know the great spectrum of his memories, but fear whispered in the back of his mind. What if it scared him? What if it pushed him away?

What if he did not look at him the same way, after he explained just what kind of man he used to be? Ardyn exhales.]

I don't think I was a particularly nice man. [He laughs at his own overs simplification, but it is humorless. He turns to look at Yu, glass still in hand.] I think I may have started out that way, for my earliest memories have me helping people. Healing people. But after that... something changed in me.

[ Yu watches him with a gentle concern, the kind of curiosity of a young child peeking through a crack in the door. It still feels strange, even now, a year later, to have family in his life he can look up to. In fact, it's occurred to him more than once that Ardyn hasn't been in any of his memories. There's been another man, a different "uncle." Which means...

...

... that here, they're family, and that's what matters. That's all that matters. Right now, especially when he's put Ardyn in that vulnerable position, there's simply no other way he can think about it.

He listens with his usual somber thoughtfulness, and doesn't respond right away, which is nothing new. Instead he takes care of the pan he's got going on the stove while he considers his response. ]

... your abilities ... they can cause you harm, can't they?

[ He still remembers a certain conversation on the network half a year ago now. Was never quite able to forget the implication of what was said in public view. ]

[Ah, Yu was always an observant one. And though he had never told him that much, one need only keep an eye on the network to know about his healing abilities, and as helpful as they can be, they do hurt him when he uses them.

His hand stops briefly over the sink, before he continues to fill up his glass. He speaks over the steady hiss of water flowing.]

Yes. I heal, but it transfers the pain from the person I'm healing to... myself.

[Another silence, just watching the water fill the glass.]

The other me, when he was-- younger, I think. He healed some terrible ailment. And in doing so, he took it into himself. It felt alive within him.

[ A lead weight settles in his gut.

He's starting to see the smallest piece of why he and his uncle both have memories from their other lives that they'd likely rather forget. ]

That's ... pretty frightening, [ he murmurs, speaking his honest feelings. There's no point in trying to sugar coat. ] What happened after that?

[The water is turned off, and he's left with a full glass, suddenly not sure if he was very thirsty at all.]

That... is something I'm not certain about. There's a large gap in my memories from there. From the man who wished to help others, to the man who had hoped to harm the world.

[He says it with such ease, with such flippancy; but this is merely Ardyn's way of coping with things that are particularly difficult for him to parse, for him to know what to do with.]

I just know that it's almost as if remembering two different people. Later, I know he was overcome by that dark thing he took within him. An ailment that would turn people into creatures; it twisted him into something apathetic, I think.

[And that isn't even going into the details of what he remembered.]

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